The Alien Space Ride [a.k.a. Bus Field Trip]

Folks! I just survived a school bus field trip filled with third graders. I thought, maybe, perhaps, at the end of the ride there might be an "I Survived" T-shirt waiting for me there. This thing was packed with aliens, I mean kids, and they were so erratic and noisy it was like an out-of-body experience. Everyone was talking, but damned if I could tell you what the hell any of them were saying. I felt like a foreigner in a strange land. In fact, I think I know what it might be like to be human on Babylon 5 now.

It was fun, but bizarre. Oh and let me tell you, teachers don't get paid enough. This was a three hour block of time and it felt like an eternity. The patience these people have for the children and the energy they need to expend to maintain order- I mean seriously they deserve every penny they earn.

En route to our destination the bus quickly lost its air supply. The windows began fogging up and Oxygen was quickly displaced with Carbon Dioxide. I wanted to reach up and open a window but wasn't sure of the 'bus rules' and there were three to a seat. It was so stuffy in there I felt it was the Hot Zone. I mean no wonder these kids get sick and bring things home all the time. Their sneezing and farting and one of the teachers went back on board to get something and said it smelled. Of course we didn't know it because we were all slowly dying from whatever it was we were gradually breathing all the way to our destination. On the way back I cracked a few windows. I adapted and overcame.

Kids were doodling names and drawings in what seemed like an alien language on the windows. It felt like I was in some kind of prehistoric cavern with cave drawings.

There was so much noise some children covered their ears. Oh and the bus driver, God bless her too, she turned on the radio on the way back. It was on, but I couldn't hear it. Somehow the kids could make it out because everytime it got to the chorus it was "don'tchya wish your girlfriend was hot like me, don'tchya wish ya girlfriend was a freak like me." It was that and something about shaking hips. It was loud and inaudible and as every 18 wheeler passed us on the way home it seemed like we were going backwards. It was a looooooong 25 minutes.

I departed the bus and felt as though I had just done the Tour De France.

When I got into my own car I was wiped and my ride home was the most peaceful ride in space that I had ever experienced. Bless all you teachers out there wherever you are.