"Damn It Jim, I'm A Doctor, Not A Sex Slave!"

"Back in the Summer Of '69'' -Bryan Adams-

I'm frequently greeted by two of my old Star Trek friends Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy and Captain James T. Kirk. The two Star Trek companions are often in a plethora of obscene positions. They often await my arrival by the DVD player when I sit to watch my latest science fiction excursion [thanks to The One To Be Pitied I usually spit up coffee in laughter upon noticing at the wrong moment]. Please let me explain. I know you're thinking, 'why the heck do you have dolls and why do you play with them?' Truth of the matter is [believe it or not] I don't really play with Bones or Kirk [actually they play with each other]. They just sit there propped up on my mantle to kind of set the tone. I don't actually get to decorate a room so the two action dolls are my small way of injecting my love for sci-fi into it. That and actually getting time to fill the room with my favorite series on the screen.

You see, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, my brother and I often played with our Star Trek action dolls and placed them in a number of death-defying adventure positions [nothing quite like this horror show]. They often scaled tall oaks, leaped into die-cast metal dump trucks or escaped drowning by pool. In fact, it's the one reality where Star Trek often battled or made peace with the characters from Planet Of The Apes. Can you imagine beaming our boys down to meet with Cornelius and the like from Planet Of The Apes? Well, once upon a time it happened. I stumbled upon the two dolls one day when visiting my brother. They were in his garage on the floor. A smile came to my face and the lightbulb went click. I picked them up and brought them home with me and a plan. He probably doesn't even know they're missing.

These fellas give new meaning to Guys And Dolls.

Anyway, those were the days and these are the two dolls remaining. I prop them up next to my TV for a laugh. They're a good conversation piece. Granted, most normal people who visit don't say anything about them. I think they're concerned more than anything, especially when I forget to take the dolls out of these kinds of crazy arrangements. Now I'm greeted by the sexploits of Kirk and Bones in a number of bizarre scenarios. Honestly, that was never in the contract when they came home with me. They're probably craving the garage floor again. It's completely juvenile but it cracks me up from time to time. In fact, I'm just realizing now that Kirk is clearly missing his gold captain's shirt. Somehow, Spock must have grabbed that up in a three way and off he went. I'm not sure where Spock is, but he's out there somewhere with Kirk's shirt. Hmmm, maybe Scotty is involved somehow. Maybe they are at my brother's house.
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I saw the trailer for the new Star Trek film and it looks mighty impressive. I don't think we'll see Kirk and Bones strike up any of these poses though, but it's sure to be a refreshing new angle on one of the greatest sci-fi concepts to ever launch.