Ripping Resident Evil Or Dreaming Of Milla Jovovich

Milla is back! You should think the posters speak for themselves. Nevertheless, critics still keep digging deeper regardless.
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I have to laugh when I see the swell of negatives rise over at Rotten Tomatoes [RT] concerning the film Resident Evil: Afterlife [2010]. Seriously? Why? Why bother? These critics line up year after year to rip the Resident Evil franchise. As of this writing, 36 Tomato Splats versus 10 Tomatoes combine for a whopping, impressive 22% rating. I'm right there with you Tomato guys. This is bloody Resident Evil people! What do you expect?

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It's a rather simple equation actually. Straight up, it is Milla Jovovich, as Alice, killing zombies. Simpler: Milla Jovovich + Zombies = Sexy babe killing Zombies. The more complex equation: Milla Jovovich + Zombies + Ali Larter= Two sexy babes killing Zombies. That's it! Throw a few cool creatures in for good measure. You see, I knew math was important. I don't need to see Resident Evil to know it and I'll bet some writers don't see it to review it. Do the critics think they are giving us anything new to chew on regarding the fourth installment in this thriving franchise by ripping on Resident Evil? I should think them smart enough to know better. Their zombie-like trance in savaging the film each arrival is ironic really. Milla is the sexiest damn zombie killer to grace the big screen. Add an irresistible Ali Carter to the mix and it's 3D time!

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Milla is the draw to the series. She's sexy. She's charismatic. She's all of that while managing to be one of the few beauties to infuse an action hero with unabashed, feminine sex appeal. Angelina Jolie couldn't pull it off in Tomb Raider [2001 & 2003]. Charlize Theron couldn't do it with Aeon Flux [2005]. Kate Beckinsale comes closest with the Underworld series. But Milla Jovovich reigns queen. She carries the weight of the Resident Evil franchise on her tiny Ukrainian shoulders like Atlas shrugging.

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Go ahead and throw everything you have at that freakishly hot sex kitten, because she is going to protect her husband, Director Paul W. S. Anderson [the man behind the Resident Evil series], like a bear protects her cubs [eww, bad analogy maybe]. Critics have attempted to nail the franchise dead from the beginning. Resident Evil [2002] received a whopping 34% at RT [79 rotten/ 41 fresh]. Resident Evil: Apocalypse [2004], a seeming riff on John Carpenter's Escape From New York [1981], earned a dismal 21% showing at RT [96 rotten/ 25 fresh]. Critics thought surely they had ended it the second time around where they failed the first, but like those nasty old zombies Resident Evil just kept on coming back unable to be terminated. The third installment, Resident Evil: Extinction [2007] arrived in all its Mad Max-glory Milla glory with a 22% rating at RT [70 rotten/ 20 fresh]. These critics can't be serious.

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It's become a bloodsport for these folks. Fortunately, for fans of the series like me, I want my Milla and the critics are going to have to pack a lot more heavy weaponry if they want Resident Evil to eventually be dead and buried. As long as Milla wants to do it and as long as she looks younger than Sigourney Weaver in Alien [1979] she'll keep on coming at us delivering testosterone-drenched actioners for the fanboy set- A sweaty, hot, ultra cool Milla Jovovich kicking ass! Period. Critics should go find another whipping girl because Milla doesn't care and neither do the fans. It's clearly okay for Sylvester Stallone and the male action heroes to get their two thumbs up for The Expendables [2010], but Milla's act is too long in the tooth. Have you looked at Sylvester Stallone lately? God love the man, but can anyone see a double standard here?

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It's absolutely laughable to see critics come up with their stale lines year after year.

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1. "Sad addition to a flawed movie franchise." [Not as far as I can tell - SFF].

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2. "The franchise has really run out of the little steam it ever had." [Really? Now? Run out of steam? In the fourth film?- SFF].

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3. "Derivative slow motion sequences, bad acting and an incoherent storyline." [Storyline!? Good enough plot line for Resident Evil bucko and Milla is just fine!- SFF].

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4. "Lacks tension, dread, angst, humor- you name an emotion, it's not there." [Feelings!? This is Resident Evil, there's no time for feelings! We're tryin' to survive here bub!- SFF].

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5. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me five times? I don't think so." [Well then, you're not the brightest bulb are you?- SFF].

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6. "Ms. Jovovich is more decently clothed this time around." [Okay, I'll grant you, that is bad news- SFF].

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7. [Another perfect cliche] "It's boring. It's derivative. It's chaotic. It's a franchise that's been running on fumes for eight years. With this entry, the fuel gauge has finally hit empty." [Is that the best you've got? Zzzzz - SFF].

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8. "There’s nothing to be immersed in here but the blood, bullets, and globs of brainmatter flying around" [...and the problem here is...?- SFF]

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9. [The best negative of the bunch] "Like one of its lumbering undead, this video game franchise is hard to kill. The fourth entry is less about zombie mayhem than about progressing a larger story arc - if anyone still cares" [WE CARE! WE CARE! Of course we care - SFF].

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Finally, this would-be Tomato Spat turned Tomato gets it. "More of the same, but if you enjoy this kind of thing, that's not necessarily a bad thing." This gent actually gets it- simple but true. There's more, but you understand the general concept of the assault on Resident Evil. Problems with plot and character development? Will they ever learn? Good grief.

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As far as Director Paul W. S. Anderson goes, any plans of achieving the kind of greatness he once professed as a self-identifying fan and emulator of Director Ridley Scott seems to have fallen by the wayside. He's all style and very little substance, of which Scott is both. The promise of film ideas like Soldier [1998] and Event Horizon [1997] seem to be few and far between. But as style goes, this guy looks as sharp as a cranberry-colored nehru jacket.

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The criticisms of Anderson as a filmmaker are completely legitimate and justified, but substantive issues aside I am mesmerized by the visual flair of his features. Perhaps it's the MTV generation in me. I am completely in awe of his powerful visual hand and in that is reason why I adore the Resident Evil franchise despite its lack of true originality. Those who would cast me aside as a tasteless, unsophisticated cinephile, I simply don't care. Guilty pleasure? Hell no! I proudly embrace Resident Evil. Do I scream from the hilltops and tell everyone I know that I love it? Uhhhh, no. Okay, so I guess I care a little. But damn it, while you're among the living, have a bit of mindless fun and we'll see you again very soon Alice. We all know you can't keep a good zombie down!

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REVIEW UPDATE! Resident Evil: Afterlife kicked ass as expected. Milla kills Zombies! That's my review.

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Resident Evil: Afterlife: A.

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Okay seriously, I shouldn't say much here, because I'm having way too much fun with it. But there I sat with white buttoned shirt after work looking like one of those things from They Live, except I had the glasses. I happily munched popcorn and sipped soda and awaited the arrival of Milla. All in all, it is yet another outstanding entry in the Resident Evil saga. Mind you, it does not rank higher for me than any of the others, it simply remains another chapter in a much larger novel. While it may not be the strongest entry, which is certainly up for discussion it has its glorious moments of Milla slicing and dicing, plunging and shooting, stabbing and gutting. Yes, it's a good day to be Milla.

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Truthfully, I'm simply not sold on 3D. Resident Evil: Afterlife is stunning in segments. For its genre it easily rivals Avatar in effect thanks to those cameras. One sequence in particular witnesses Milla in slow motion literally charging the screen with bullets blasting straight through the heads of zombies and it is a sight to behold. The film opens with a rousing 3D display, settles down a bit [which had me nervous], but then progressively grows stronger as it runs toward a logical Resident Evil conclusion. Some sequences literally took my breath away. I think at one point, during the glorious Milla rooftop escape, I actually said to myself with a sigh through all the carnage. "I love you Milla." She's amazing and the ultimate la femme nikita didn't let me down.

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In fact, I actually enjoy when Resident Evil slows down for a bit of exposition to move the story ever so slightly forward. I wish the films were a little longer for a little more of it. This film was a little darker in spots. There's an almost grey hue to this particular installment and may not be my favorite shade of the franchise. I would have enjoyed a bit more zombie action and those new tentacled zombies are just freaky. They aren't original yet they'll scare the tar out of you! The Axeman is this entry's Nemesis and Larter and Jovovich have a lot of fun with the sequence. These two action females are the serious stars of the film.

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All of the complaints regarding Director Paul W.S. Anderson's riffing on other films is completely fair. There are elements of Blade II [zombies], The Matrix [bullet time slo-mo] and The Thing [splitting dogs] all in play, but there is still plenty of largely Resident Evil-styled set design pieces in place. There are plenty of leaps to make too, but this is Resident Evil. Characters survive horrific crashes walking away like characters from The A-Team, but our heroes and villains can't die now can they?

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There is no shortage of weapons and action. Alice says, "Girl's gotta come prepared," and does she ever. So, Resident Evil: Afterlife continues the incredible RE run with a full-on video game-styled chapter. It should blow you away. As for the 3D, as good as it is, I still can't wait to purchase a good, old-fashioned 2D Blu-Ray. My afterlife will then be complete. In the meantime, I'll continue dreaming of Milla.